Just like that

Ok so after all of my ranting, life has returned to the way it should be. :)  My daughter's relationship with her boyfriend has been restored and we are a family again.  Just like that - no crazy talking it to death.  Back to normal.  I guess as an over-thinking adult I don't understand how it feels to be young. haha.

Also, after a year and a half of bad news and delays, my house is selling.  Just like that.  No big fanfare, just moving through the steps, finally, and it feels weird. We're buying a house that is being built and its going to just fit our family.  I've been trying to declutter and pack in an organized way.

Life is flying by and every holiday is a fresh reminder.  Yesterday at the family get-togethers the kids that used to be running around playing were with their girlfriends/boyfriends on the sofa watching movies.  It happens folks, when you turn your head your kids grow up.  Now planning their own weddings, instead of their next birthday party.  And we aren't looking any younger, or our parents.

It's easy to let these feelings consume me.  I have to constantly be fighting against them, reminding myself to enjoy each moment and day.  I want to age with quiet dignity and no fear of the future.  We only get one trip through and I don't want to have any regrets. 

Proverbs 31:25
She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future.

Moving on.

Life is moving on.  We have begun packing, finished our fostering classes, and are emotionally moving on after my daughter's breakup.  It looks like we will be selling our house to the parish soon.  The grant program is moving slowly but surely toward the beginning of January.

I feel like a huge chapter of my life is ending.  It is actually.  When I moved here I was a young 26 year old and now I'm 43.  I've spent a long time here.  I've had a few waves of sadness, but also some excitement.  Mostly I'm just numb lol.  It's like when you talk about something forever and then when it happens it doesn't feel real.

I truly am thankful for all the blessings in my life and I am praying that He continue to lead us and show us His will.

Psalm 42:11

Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted within me? hope thou in God; for I shall yet praise Him, who is the health of my countenance, and my God.

Good morning :)

I'm choosing to have faith to believe that this week will be miraculous :).  I'm going to stand on the Word of God -

Psalm 98:1
O sing unto the Lord a new song; for he hath done marvelous things: his right hand and his holy arm hath gotten him the victory.

and -

I Cor. 16:13-14
Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong.  Let all that you do be done in love.

Dating games

I have 3 teenagers (18, 16, 13).  My other child is 7.  I have always dreaded this time, for good reason.  This is usually the time when you are drawn to the person you will end up spending the rest of your life with.  I made some mistakes when I was in this process myself, so I figured I would have motherly wisdom when we made it to dating.

My oldest daughter(18) is amazing and she was very accepting of my wanting to do things differently than I did.  We always talked about how we don't believe in serious dating and then breaking up.  Once that happens, you have already given something of yourself away.  Something that was meant for only one person.  I'm not really talking about physical intimacy, because my kids want to wait until marriage for that.  I'm talking about emotional intimacy.  And that is a precious thing.  It is part of what is joined when 2 people become one.  You know the other person so well you could order for them and finish their sentences.  After a while you even know what they are thinking.  I believe that when God designed us, he meant for us to share this part of ourselves with only one person.

So, she was almost 17 and was asked to go on a date.  We were very careful-her dad and I.  He asked us for permission and we said yes.  We really got to know him then and he spent a lot of time with our family.  We talked about what we believe and actions speak loudly- he was very respectful and treated our daughter well.  We did everything together and he began to feel like a part of the family in every way.  We honestly were expecting to be making wedding plans within a year.

It ended so fast I don't even know what happened.  I know he said he heard from God about this and that he still loves her and if God wants them back together, he will show them.  Ok. Really?  That's a problem for me.  I have prayed about this relationship EVERY day for over a year.  Why wouldn't God have said something to me?  I am the Mother for goodness sake.  I'm mad because we were trying to do this honorably and there were no signs of trouble.  None.  At. All.  So now our daughter is emotionally invested in this relationship, and honestly so are we.  I'm not stupid, I know that anyone who really feels like they love someone does not leave them and cut all ties and God does not tell them to.  I'm torn and honestly feel a little betrayed by God.  If he knew it would end this way, why let my child fall so hard with no bad feelings about the relationship?  For over a year?

I guess I'm angry because we can have strong convictions, pray and act on them in the most God-honoring way possible, and still experience the extreme hurt of breakup. It doesn't seem fair to blame it on God - who was committed to us even before we accepted His sacrifice for us. 

I Cor. 13:7:8
...bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails...

Ok here is a quick update :)

Social worker meeting in the mouse house (mine) rescheduled.
It's my third child's 13th birthday today! yikes!  Now I have 3 teenagers...
Someone from the buyout program called and we get to sign something on Wednesday - yay maybe we will get to move soon!

Psalm 118:24
This is the day the Lord has made;
We will rejoice and be glad in it.

Lizard Apocalypse :/

 Ok, I don't know if lizards are considered warfare to you, but over here they are serious business.  Occasionally one gets in our house when we open the door to let out the dogs or cats.  Because we don't like to catch them with our hands (unless my husband is home) or kill them, getting them out usually involves some screaming and chasing with a broom until the lizard runs out the door.

So yesterday when I was on my way home from work, my daughter called and was kinda freaking out.  Apparently 4 lizards crawled at just about the same time into our living room from the window unit.  Really.  4.  I just happened to be a little ways from home so I called my mom to go to my house and help my kids.  They basically just stood there watching the lizards until I got home because apparently I'm the expert haha.

About an hour or a little more later, all 4 had been either chased out or caught in various containers and let go.  This of course led to moving all furniture and then what do you do?  You clean under the sofas and rug and everything else you moved.  Did I mention to you that was my only time to clean the whole house because a social worker was meeting here the next morning early to do a first home visit?

So stress is snowballing, and we still know we can't be approved in this house, and my husband is stressed and overloaded with work, and my daughter is still going through a breakup, and I can never seem to get caught up with everything, and did I mention we may or may not have a mouse in the kitchen.  18 years in this house- never had a mouse and all of a sudden on the very week of our first home visit. 

I'm not stupid.  I know that as burdened as my heart is for abused/neglected children, God feels the same way.  I also believe that Satan wants nothing more than for those kids to stay in the situations they are in, because then they have a higher chance of repeating the cycle.  Even last night,  when my husband and I were on the way to class we had thoughts of - maybe we are too busy to do this.  Oh my heart is sad to think that we could be too busy with running in the hamster wheel of our lives to have time for the hurting and broken people of this world. 

As soon as we got to class and began discussion, once again it was confirmed in my heart that this is where God wants me.  No matter what darts the devil throws, I will fight back with the Word of God and walk in this path that He has for me.

Ephesians 6:10,11
Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might.  Put on the whole armor of God that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.

Life Right Now

Chasing or waiting?

  Its hard when you feel so burdened and called to do something but natural circumstances prevent it. Very hard.  Years ago I know God put a burden for foster care/adoption on my heart. My husband agreed and we looked into it.  We knew that we needed another bedroom because we have 4 kids and a 3 bedroom house.  We started taking classes anyway and through the classes I felt complete confirmation that I was following God's will.

Well, had a few financial setbacks, then after some months went by we started to discuss the possibility of closing in our garage.  There was always something in the way.. we had no place to put stuff that was stored in garage so we had to add on to the small shed in the backyard.  We had more financial setbacks.. Then we started doing better.  We considered elevating our home, and the company came, measured, and never sent the estimate.  We talked to a realtor about selling our house and was told that it would be hard to sell because it had flooded several times before. 

ok so by then it was July of 2012.  I went to church and as soon as I walked in I knew the message was for me.  I just knew that God was about to tell me something.  Well, the message was so good.  It was on the time when the Isrealites were about to go into an impossible battle and this was the word from the Lord -

"You will not need to fight in this battle. Position yourselves, stand still, and see the salvation of the Lord who is with you..."  2 Chron. 20:17

 Wow.  I knew that was God speaking directly into my situation. 

3 days later my house flooded.

ok God, what now?

Well, since that time we have been approved for a government grant that will buy our house for the fair market value.  We feel that this is the answer from God we have been waiting for.  The only problem is that they told us they had funding and it would only be about 30 to 60 days -  a year and a half ago!  Its so hard to keep waiting.  The buyout date keeps changing and moving forward every few months.  I know God has a plan for us but it is so hard to want to do something and not be able to.  We are in classes again because ours expired and hopefully we will be able to move forward soon.

I want to trust

"O Lord my God, in you I put my trust..."  Psalm 7:1

Breaking up is hard to do...

When your kids grow into teenagers well-meaning people have lots of advice.  Right now 2 of my 4 kids are teenagers, with the third having a birthday next week and turning 13.  So far, teenage things haven't been unbearable.  We have the occasional attitude, but overall our kids are fantastic, fun to be around, and make great decisions.  They also serve God with their whole heart.  So, when our oldest daughter was turning 17, she met a guy and started a new parenting journey for us - dating.

Honestly, I couldn't believe how easy it was.  He was perfect and I quickly became the president of his fan club lol.  I was so proud to talk about my daughter's boyfriend and felt like this could possibly be the easiest part of parenting so far.  He was adorable, responsible, loved God, hard worker, family guy, funny, really I could go on and on.  The whole family bonded with him and for a year and 3 months he was the 7th member of our family.

I was completely emotionally unprepared when he told my daughter last week that they needed to spend some time apart.  That they just needed to grow apart from each other and maybe this is permanent, maybe not. :(  I realized that I could hardly help her because I was grieving too much myself.  But really- he had already called me mom several times and was a part of every good memory for the last year- what else could I do. 

We- my daughter and I - will get through this and sadly some scar tissue will remain.  I know from my own growing up years that being hurt by someone you love takes its toll on trusting any one else.  And as far as my "mommy in law crush"  Im sure I will love the next guy as much.  But something will keep my heart guarded and not trusting all the way, just in case...  And there will never be another first time someone besides your kids calls you "Mom"

Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord.  They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.

When God spoke to me at a garage sale

      I like going to garage sales.  Now that my kids are older, sometimes I go alone.  On this particular Saturday, I had gone to a few sales and had no luck.  I was on my way home and thought I would stop at just one more.
      When I parked the car I could tell that this sale was different.  First, it was inside, and from my experience that usually happens when someone passes away and the family is selling the house too.  As I got out of the car and started walking up the driveway, I started to feel God's presence, you know when the air gets warm and your heart starts beating quickly.  I felt like I was seeing this through His eyes.  I felt it even more when I walked in and was fighting back tears. 
      The house was obviously being cleaned out because the husband (father) had died.  His wife was talking about it in the kitchen, how she was going to move now so she wouldn't be alone.  The adult daughters were marking things and checking out items.  I looked around and saw normal things - signs of his life - work pants on a hangar, a gold watch with a crack on the face and worn edges, a vacation bag that said Destin, Florida. 
     I thought of this man, I never met him, but I could see from what was left behind a little of what his life was like.  Out of his shoes, you could tell which ones he wore the most, and I'm guessing he liked this kind of cologne.  I saw the dishes he ate supper on, and the video camera he probably used on that Destin vacation.
      But inside I wanted to know - was he more than the gold watch and Destin vacations?  Did his life change someone else's life?  Were these things that were being sold for a few cents all that's left?  How many of our thoughts and actions revolve around the things that will fade away when we're gone from this earth?   In my mind I could see myself standing before Jesus with a box of my life, and dumping it out at his feet.  He would sift through the "junk" and worthless things of my life to find the things that hopefully he could say "Well done" about. 
      Please God remind me of this every day.  I don't want to spend the time that I have been given on things that will fade away when I have gone from this life.  I want to leave a story that points to Jesus with every memory.

1 Cor. 3:13
      Each one's work will become clear; for the Day will declare it, because it will be revealed by fire; and the fire will test each one's work, of what sort it is.